A union representing Dutch services is launching a national campaign to protest demands for sexual services from patients.

The campaign was prompted by a 24 year old nurse, who was asked by a 42 year old disabled man to provide sexual services, as many of the other nurses  had previously agreed to do. She refused, and the man asked that she be removed, saying that she was “unfit to provide care”.

Perhaps he should have tried a massage parlor for a happy ending?

Some people accuse the Germans of being not so great at romance. This story isn’t going to do them any good.

A German woman living in Berlin heard the sound of someone climbing onto her balcony after midnight. Afraid that it was a burglar breaking in, she then went and called the police, who promptly arrives. The “burglar” then jumped down from the balcony and began to try to run away, only to be tackled by several cops.

The “burglar” was in fact the woman’s boyfriend. He was trying to surprise her with some flowers and a bottle of wine. Epic fail.

The police spokesman however said on the bright side, “He nevertheless gave the police who were taking him to jail the bottle of wine as a gesture of thanks for the friendly treatment after the arrest”. Sure he did buddy. When’s the last time you got tackled by some cops and gave them a bottle of wine out of gratitude?

The Joker, Lex Luthor, Darth Vader, Sauron, Jason, Godzilla, “He who must not be named” should all step aside. There’s a new threat in town. And that person is known simply as “The Midnight Knitter”.

In the darkness of night, she goes from house to house in West Cape May, NJ and hangs little sweaters on tree branches and telephone poles. Quite the evil scheme huh? Perhaps next comes world domination!

Police officials are doing everything they can to trace down the nuisance that is “The Midnight Knitter”, probably because they have nothing better to do besides hang out at the Dunkin Donuts.

Locals of the town have taken a liking to this criminal however, stating that they are enthralled with the myriad of colors that have popped up over the few days.

Watch your back. You never know when The Midnight Knitter will pop out.

The world revolves around Lindsay.

Lindsay Lohan is suing the financial company E-Trade, insisting that a boyfriend-stealing, “milkaholic” baby in its latest commercial — who happens to be named Lindsay — was modeled after her. And she wants $100 million for her pain and suffering, The Post has learned.

The actress filed a lawsuit yesterday in Nassau County Supreme Court over the commercial that debuted during the Super Bowl this year.

The ad — part of a series starring babies who play the stock market — features a boy apologizing to his girlfriend via video chat for not calling her the night before.

“And that milkaholic Lindsay wasn’t over?” the baby girl asks him suspiciously.

“Lindsay?” the boy replies, just before a baby girl sticks her head into the frame and slurs, “Milk-a-what?”

Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.

“Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit,” Ovadia said.

“They used the name Lindsay,” Ovadia said. “They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”

Ovadia wants an injunction to force the spot off the air, and the Lindsay camp wants every last copy of the commercial.

Chris Brown, a spokesman for Grey Group, which produced the spot, is throwing cold milk on the controversy, saying it “just used a popular baby name that happened to be the name of someone on the account team.”

Ovadia said E-Trade has violated Lohan’s rights under New York state civil-rights law and used her “name and characterization” in business without paying her or getting her approval.

The lawyer said that since the spot was seen by hundreds of millions of people watching the Super Bowl and Winter Olympics finals, the firm has garnered great profits.

She says Lohan is owed $50 million in exemplary damages, plus another $50 million in compensatory damages.

E-Trade could not be reached for comment.

Anna Arrowsmith

Anna Arrowsmith, managing director of adult entertainment firm Easy on the Eye Productions, has directed hundreds of films under the pseudonym Anna Span.

Mrs Arrowsmith, 38, believes women are under-represented in Parliament.

Party leader Nick Clegg said although her job was not “his cup of tea”, she cared passionately about her area.

He told GMTV that she was certainly no “cardboard cut-out Westminster politician”, but said it was important that “people like her” who cared about their local areas put themselves forward.

Gravesham’s Tory MP Adam Holloway added that people should not pre-judge her.

Mrs Arrowsmith, who has an MA in philosophy and lives in Groombridge, said Margaret Thatcher’s performance during the 1979 general election campaign had sparked her interest in politics and the current expenses scandal had spurred her on.

She said: “If people don’t know what I do for a living then they would never know.

“The local party and the local people who I have so far met have seen that I’m very driven.

“I’m not campaigning on behalf of my old industry. I’m campaigning on behalf of the people in the Gravesham area.

“When people get to see me, they will realise that I’m used to project managing and that I’m driven to achieve change rather than just promising it.”

Referring to Mrs Arrowsmith’s link to the pornography industry, Mr Holloway said: “Let he or she who is without sin cast the first stone.

“It’s not my thing but I’m sure she is probably a very nice woman. We’ll see.”

‘Unusual occupation’

A spokesman for the Liberal Democrats said: “The Liberal Democrats are proud to have candidates throughout the country with a great diversity of backgrounds and life experiences.

“Anna will be a strong candidate for Gravesham, and with her family links to the area we believe she is the best person to bring fairness to local people.”

Labour prospective parliamentary candidate for Gravesham Kathryn Smith said: “What Anna does is certainly an unusual occupation but that is her choice and it doesn’t offend me.

“What concerns me more is the Liberal Democrat’s confusion on the economy and soft approach on crime. They flip flop between expensive spending commitments one minute and promises of tax cuts the next.”

The UK Independence Party prospective parliamentary candidate for Gravesham is Geoffrey Clark.

Richard Crawford will stand for the Green Party.